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The scene looks like a good old fashioned epic, with giant armies on horseback facing off in the desert outside the now-lost city of Hamunaptra, as stoic Medjai leader Ardeth Bay (Oded Fehr in his first movie, soon followed by DEUCE BIGALOW: MALE GIGOLO) keeps watch. The introduction of the hero, Rick O’Connell (Brendan Fraser, between BLAST FROM THE PAST and DUDLEY DO-RIGHT) is pretty promising too.
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Much of the ‘90s typography has not held up in my opinion – I won’t blame this movie for that. The idea of the shot is cool enough to make up for the shitty ass CD-ROM-looking title. I hate that asshole too but that would suck! It’s not worth it.Īs the title comes up it skips ahead to 1923 and the virtual camera rotates around a statue of Anubis as it deteriorates over time. Like, imagine if you were forced to spend your whole life protecting the tomb of John Wilkes Boothe so he never escapes and turns into a deadly monster. Thousands of years after the people whose idea it was would have to deal with it. And number two, can you guess whether or not the Medjai do allow him to be released to arise a walking disease, a plague upon mankind, an unholy flesh-eater with the strength of ages, power over the sands, and glory of invincibility? Why, yes.
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Sure, I guess it’s a plus that he gets tortured real bad, but according to the narrator, “The Medjai would never allow him to be released, for he would arise a walking disease, a plague upon mankind, an unholy flesh-eater with the strength of ages, power over the sands, and the glory of invincibility!” So number one, they are requiring a secret society called the Medjai to exist and pass on through the generations forever, forcing their poor children to dedicate their lives to this stupid task of making sure the mummy never escapes. The plan is pretty short-sighted though in my opinion.
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But Pharaoh’s bodyguards stop the ritual, mummify his priests, and do a special curse where they cut out his tongue and lock him in a sarcophagus full of scarabs to be undead and buried forever.
Their escape plan is for her to kill herself and for him to break into her crypt, steal her body and resurrect her in Hamunaptra, City of the Dead.
The prologue, starting with the Universal logo turning into the sun burning over the pyramids in “Thebes, City of the Living,” is pretty great! Epic, mythic, takes itself seriously, stars Arnold Vosloo ( HARD TARGET) as “Imhotep, Pharaoh’s high priest, keeper of the dead.” This is the backstory of how Imhotep and the Pharaoh’s girlfriend Anuk Su Namun (Patricia Velasquez, BEOWULF, MINDHUNTERS, MALIGNANT) have an affair – “no other man was allowed to touch her” and this dipshit smears her body paint – and assassinate the Pharaoh (Aharon Ipale, AMERICAN NINJA 5, GUARDIAN ANGEL). So welcome, Mummy fans, to the latest annoying chapter of what I suppose I should start calling Vern Never Learns. I might be able to say there’s more of it I like than the other ‘90s blockbusters I hate. I went and watched the movie again, in the modern year of 2022. People start to seem genuinely mad, so sometimes I back down and admit that I haven’t seen it since opening day and even though I think Sommers has continued to be a director of lunkheaded, formless movies with terrible visual design and seemingly unfinished digital effects despite enormous budgets, I did get a kick out of all that in VAN HELSING and G.I. More than once I’ve made the mistake of trying to go a little Rowdy Roddy Piper and lean into shit talking about it. It doesn’t compute for them that someone doesn’t think that movie is one of the greats. It comes up on Twitter every once in a while and I get a wave of people not believing their eyes. Of those, Stephen Sommers’ THE MUMMY is the one I get the most shit about any time I mention it. Most of them were big hits, then fell out of favor for years so I could breathe a sigh of relief, but then when the people who were kids when they came out grew nostalgic suddenly they were claimed as classics again. Especially with new releases people often accuse me of having low or no standards.īut there are a handful of popular blockbusters from the ‘90s that I hated at the time and have not turned around on. My wife seems to think I’m some kind of bad movie Jesus being kind to the cinematic lepers. My friends will see some highly anticipated movie at a critic’s screening and be grumbling about how much they hated it, and then they’ll turn to me and say, “You’ll probly like it though.” My list of movies everybody says sucks that I enjoy is way longer than most people’s. I have a well-earned reputation for being easy on movies.
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